The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
should my penis look like a turkey
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
