I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
