my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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