You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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