Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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