Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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