You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
