he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize