A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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