Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
