I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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