Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
