I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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