dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
