someone owes me an orgasm
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
