I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When are your genitals available?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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