just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
