Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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