We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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