i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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