Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
