can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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