Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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