Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize