I cannot find my penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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