then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize