it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
