based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize