i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
