have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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