Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just had sex bonerless
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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