Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
