And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
