So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
