If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
