i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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