Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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