Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
