I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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