hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
