after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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