Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
