Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
