After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
