i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
