i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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