yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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