i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
