My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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