forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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