eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
