things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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