How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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