a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is wine microwaveable?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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