This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
