I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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