Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
