you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
