conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
