I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
