im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
