The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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