If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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