I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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