You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love you. Go after that dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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