i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
