pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
