no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
