Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
